What's in the Toaster? You don't know if it's bread or toast. You can see it but it's bathed in Ambiguous Red Light. At what point does bread become toast? Should you hit the lever? It's been a while. No, in the end, you just have to trust the machine. -------- Sunbeam Light Show Flower Seed Diablo raises an eyebrow, strawberry milkshake in hand. I try my best to distract myself, but he really wants to be in the band. Can he play the drums, or the clarinet, electric xylophone, or better yet, the euphonium or the clockwork flute? He's just standing there in a business suit. Angels on the left side, demons on the right. Never in the dark, never in the light. Center of the sunbeam light show flower seed. This is all have, this is all I need Original synergized molecules. Revolving electrified power tools. The end of the world on April Fool's Day. What have you done to my necktie? You tied it up in a knot. This is the final mistake you'll make. You think you're misunderstood, but you're not. Got a show tonight, but tomorrow you're out. Someone call me up a talent scout. Better yet, just usher that Diablo back. Give him a guitar, paint it with a Union Jack Lemons on the left side, demons on the right. Never in the dark, never in the light. Center of the sunbeam light show flower seed. This is all have, this is all I need. Life in the chair at the hair salon. Taking the time to reflect upon some things that are too difficult to convey. Ooh, original synergized molecules. Revolving electrified power tools. The end of the world on April Fool's Day. -------- Musical Chairs You walk around in circles, I walk around in squares. Another round of musical chairs. And maybe no one really cares about the way we walk. The record stores are out of stock, and all we want is bloody rock and roll. And clearly this is not the way to go. I saw it in the mirror, the ghost of Chairman Mao. He had three money symbols on his brow. And he will show the children how to wear their cowboy boots, bowler hats and prison suits, and watch while Neil Armstrong shoots the moon. But he's never gonna get there by balloon. I thought you weren't allowed here, I thought they crossed your name. And that would be your only claim to fame. Well, it's a big fat crying shame, the way you lost your touch. The soapbox weighed a bit too much. And all this talking feels like such a waste. And now you've crossed the boundaries of good taste. Your only option now's to be replaced. -------- Atomic Copper Claw You may be friendly looking on the outside, but I know why you only wear long sleeves. And I know why you shake with the wrong hand. Don't try to hide it, 'cause I do believe that... You're out to get me, gonna scratch out my eyes with that atomic copper claw! Ooh, what a surprise. I saw it gleaming underneath the fabric. I saw you reaching under, tightening a screw. You try to keep it out of sight in the shadows, sneaking me that evil little glance that you do. You're out to get me, gonna scratch out my eyes with that atomic copper claw! Ooh, what a surprise. Are you the grisly result of some unauthorized genetics lab experiment gone wrong? Was there an accident, resulting in the radioactive instrument for which I wrote this song? I know you're planning on assassinating me with just a couple well placed slashes to the head. But nonetheless I figure, why not ask some questions now? I won't be asking many when I'm dead. You may be friendly looking on the outside, but I know why you only wear long sleeves. And I know why you shake with the wrong hand. Don't try to hide it, 'cause I do believe that... You're out to get me, gonna scratch out my eyes with that atomic copper claw! Ooh, what a surprise. Go ahead, take a shred, kill me dead with that atomic copper claw! Yeah, that's what I said. You still deny it's even there. All you return me is a stare. If you're so sure of yourself, why don't show me your hand? I know your secret and there's no point lying, don't you understand? Yes I am well aware. I know it's there. Atomic copper claw! Atomic copper claw! Atomic copper claw! Yeah, you're out to get me, gonna scratch out my eyes with that atomic copper claw! That atomic copper claw. -------- Your Evil Shadow Has a Cup of Tea Five days in a watery cave. Another song for the day that I take to the grave. I gotta be the first to see the specter. Everybody want to be friends with the nectar protector. Seventeen skulls in a hole in the woods already know of the low down, but not of the goods. We can't see but lo and behold her, it's funny how we think with our heads when the shoulder is colder. This is the truth about it. You'll learn to never doubt it. The whole affair is shrouded in living mystery. So what goes on in your tree, when all you know is your evil shadow has a cup of tea? Back in elementary school, there was a kid we knew, we considered him cool. And when his eyes turned red, the principal said he was gonna go mad from the things in his head. Seventeen days later somebody told us there was no more school, and the principal sold us to the ice cream shop down the street, where it seemed there was nothing they'd let us eat, so we screamed This is the truth about it. You'll learn to never doubt it. The whole affair is shrouded in living mystery. So what goes on in your tree, when all you know is your evil shadow has a cup of tea? It's never too late to take the chance of a lifetime under the weight of life, and chance, and death. And it's never too far out. We don't know how the sun became a star. They say it's always been that way, but I'll be damned if that case. We'd love to have you as our guest this afternoon. We'll get the kettle ready, hope you show up soon. We'll get the kettle ready, hope you show up soon. We can talk about life, we can talk about death, we can talk about film, we can talk about chess, we can talk about the faceless evil shadow creatures underneath our clothes we can talk about the government conspiracies and circumvent the challenges that represent our foes. It's never my fault. Take what I say with a big fat grain of salt, and take my fears away. We never will break out, and we'll leave not one thing in our wake. They say it's always been that way. This is the truth about it. You'll learn to never doubt it. The whole affair is shrouded in living mystery. So what goes on in your tree, when all you know is your evil shadow has a cup of tea? Your evil shadow has a cup of tea. -------- Telekinesis Nobody knows my true indentity. For all we know I'm John F. Kennedy's love child with Nosferatu. We can't know, but still we got to. Nobody knows how deep this mystery goes, but ancient caveman history shows: We're all descended from the same evil alien slime. And it's a pretty shade of gray. It makes the woodwork eat away. Glass breaks and cow's milk curdles. It glows in the dark and it mutates turtles. Somebody told me something interesting. They told me the world is always tempesting round and around again. I've had enough of that pseudo-Zen. Somebody else was watching from afar, screwing it up like a broken VCR. She thought that I was very insincere, because I rolled my eyes a bit too much. Am I really that out of touch? Why should I care about this? I'm not concerned with the things I miss. I don't see the point in not believing in things you can taste like fear and cinnamon. Sadly this hasn't gotten me anything but dread and gluttony. Under the ground is where I wanna go. Surely there is a way, but I dunno how to get there. No one seems to know, actually, so I tried to use a garden spade, but it was very poorly made. It broke into so many pieces. It's times like these that I wish had Telekinesis... -------- Matches and Nails Hello you tiny cardboard box with matches inside. Hello you wooden match. Hello the light you provide. You keep me warm. you keep me safe. You know that darkness isn't good, but nothing lasts forever. You're only two inches of flammable wood. And when the sun comes back, there won't be any lack of lumination in any way. But on the other hand, I'll never understand why it disappears after every day. Now I've forgotten what I wanted to say. Hello you railroad nail, so sharp, so rusty and red. Hello you sledgehammer, implanting it into my head. And with it comes a stream of thought, and soon ideas begin to form. So I must thank you for it. The nail in my head is the eye of the storm. And with my newfound mind, I make the world unwind as if the planet is made of clay. This is a tragic mix of wayward magic tricks and giant robots from far away. Now I've forgotten what I wanted to say. -------- Relativity I'm falling up. They're falling down. I'm standing still. They're spinning around. No matter what I do, they could be undoing. Is there something brewing? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody? Nobody knows, 'cause it's all relative. Nobody knows, 'cause it's all relative. The sun is spinning all around us, but we are spinning all around it. We see the moon, the stars, the satellites shifting. What is really drifting? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody? Nobody knows, 'cause it's all relative. Nobody knows, 'cause it's all relative. He was a German physics genius. In 1955 he left us. Did Einstein really die or did the whole world come to life without him? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Doesn't anybody know? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Nobody knows, 'cause it's all relative. Nobody knows, 'cause it's all relative. -------- The Fancy Pants Manifesto Is this my chance, for goodness sake, to make the point I've tried to make for all my lifetime, give or take a year? And now it comes as no surprise: The world gets lost, the world gets wise. So dot your T's, and cross your I's, my dear. And it's a golden opportunity to take a stand and claim immunity against the threat of more community service. And you would think that they'd catch on to us. The odds are stacked and vaguely nocuous. Together we will make the Octopus nervous. We don't have guns, we don't have knives, but we've been waiting all our lives. And wait until the day arrives we will. We don't pretend we're fighting crime. We see the world in lemon lime. The only casualty's the time we kill. But still, a lot of things are problematical. There is an urge to wax fanatical, but we will not fall prey to radicalism. Well never mind, 'cause here's another thing. You won't believe what we're discovering. And you can see it through the hovering prism. This is the fancy pants manifesto. This is the fancy pants manifesto. This is the fancy pants manifesto, and now you know. -------- Go to Hollywood Go to Hollywood, for the common good. Go and pack your bags, like you know you should. Go to California, but let me warn ya. The people there often times will scorn ya. Pull out your teeth. See what's underneath. Put the new ones in. Look in disbelief. Hear the people call as you're standing tall. You parade around, but you trip and fall. This could end it all. All right, all right. This could end it all. All right, all right. See the ragged old magazine with a mirror on the front. Read the outdated summaries of yourself. Hear the people forgetting you, moving on to something else. What was once on a pedestal's now on the shelf. -------- I Know Your Name It was a Friday. I saw a movie, but it wasn't very long, so I snuck into another one. Employees caught me. They threw me out into the mall. All in all, it was pretty fun. But then it happened: I bumped into a random guy. He said "Excuse me," and he tried to walk away. But I had just had a psychic vision. I said, "Sir, I don't know why, but I know your name." I said: I know, I know, I know your name. I know, I know, I know your name. I know, I know, I know your name. I know, I know, I know your is... Your name is Bob! Your name is Bob. Your name is Bob, I know. The guy said, "Sorry, my name is Fred," and then he slowly walked away. I never saw that guy again. Went back to my house. Went to my room to feed my fish which was floating on it's back, so I gave it to the cat. When he was finished, I took the bones away, but right before I reached the garbage something happened in my brain. Well, I had just had a psychic vision. I said, "Cat, I don't know why, but I know your name." I said: I know, I know..... The cat said nothing, and then threw up onto my freshly shampooed carpet. I rolled my eyes and walked outside. It started raining. I ran for shelter in an alleyway that smelled as if an elephant had died. There was a box there. I looked inside to see a homeless man, dressed in rags, bearded and insane. And suddenly I had a psychic vision. I said, "Sir, I don't know why, but I know your name." I said: I know, I know.......... The homeless man stared. He looked a bit scared. He asked me how I knew his name. I couldn't say. And it was awkward. He fell asleep, and I walked back home in the rain, in the rain. But then it happened: Another vision came to me. Another psychic idea from my dreams. I knew I had to burn down the supermarket to achieve world peace. So I did. -------- Consumer Whore What are you waiting for? Enough of this redundancy. Why don't you go back to my show? No need to torture me. It's just commercials. Damn commercials on my plasma screen. It's such a pain, so I complain while drinking my caffeine. My Nike shoes are on my feet. I'm going out to get some McDonald's to eat. Don't know what my brain is for. I used to, but I don't no more. I am a consumer whore. I am a consumer whore. (Gibberish.) My life's a mess. I'm all alone. But that's okay, 'cause I got my cute little Nokia cell-phone. Don't know what my brain is for. I used to, but I don't no more. I am a consumer whore. I am a consumer whore. What do you want from me? What do I want from you? Somebody talk to me. Tell me you feel it too. This unstoppable force that delivers my hand to my wallet, extracts all my hard earned dinero, and casts it to the smirking rottweilers. What do you want from me? What do I want from you? Somebody talk to me. Please tell me you feel it too. It's something that I can't ignore. I used to but I can't no more. I am a consumer whore. I am a consumer whore. -------- Between You and Me Almost every day, I am swept away from the dull, void and null by the things you say. Wouldn't it be great, living in one state? State of mind, intertwined, that you help create. When we're on the phone, I am no longer alone. It's a start, but my heart is still in another time zone. You're the greatest thing random fate couldn't bring. Still, I smile. Maybe I'll meet you in the spring. What if I don't? God I hope I do. Wishes come true. Waiting for everything to fall into place. So far a distance just to see face to face. Between you and me, I think rules don't apply. Between you and me is a space we can walk if we try. You are, indubitably, the loveliest possible person for me. Why weren't we thrown together, somewhere nice with perfect weather? Where cosmic placement failed, where Serendipity dragged her tail is where we are right now. We must escape, but we don't know how. You know what would be rad? If I were rich, and if I had an aeroplane with giant wings, and funky old propeller things. I would fly right by your place, and pick you up with gentle grace, and fly straight into outer space, just to see you face to face. And when we come back, we'll be fast asleep, counting camels instead of sheep. Waiting for everything to fall into place. So far a distance just to see face to face. Between you and me, I think rules don't apply. Between you and me is a space we can walk if we try. Wonder if I'll ever be with you? Do wishes come true? God I hope they do. -------- I've Got Some Falling to Do In an airplane, I was flying. Just a flight attendant guy. I can be clumsy, and I stumbled out the door, into the sky. Now I am falling through the air. Wind and regret flow through my hair. All I can do right now is stare down at the ocean. Suddenly, there's a ring in my cell phone. I pick it up. It's the Angel of Death, and he says "Wazzup?" I say, "What is it this time?" And he's like "Well, hello, goodbye, I'll see you in Hell." He can be like that sometimes, he's such a nut. So I snicker and say, "I'd love to, but gravity's calling, I've got some falling to do." I'm in a state of shock, but it's something new. I guess it all depends on your point of view. It's true. This is boring... Yes, I'm falling, but it's taking quite a while. My destination is impending. Might as well go out in style. I put my arms out to the skies, whistle a tune and close my eyes, trying to briefly realize perpetual motion. Suddenly, giant tentacles rise from the open sea, and with total precision they lasso me. It's a monstrous squid and he saved my life, but I am too freaked out to be nice. So I tell him the truth, that I'd rather fall. No offense but at least it's predictable. Gotta stop stalling, I've got some falling to do. I'm probably gonna die, but it's something new. I guess it all depends on your point of view. It's true. -------- Sick Puppy Sick puppy, you're a threat to the peace. Gone batty, running from the county police. Well, I hope you get well soon. Why, baby, did you have to do that? Set fire to Mrs. Ellerman's cat... meow! Well I hope you get well soon. If I were a registered psychiatrist, we could be together for all time. It's a shame you're on the lam, but I don't really give a damn that you used a stolen taser on that unsuspecting mime. Sick puppy, have you been taking your pills? No worries, but you better head for the hills. Well I hope you get well soon. I hope you get well soon. I hope you get well soon. Soon.